Ellen Degeneres Funny Sayings
You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.
Ellen DeGeneresReally, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.
Ellen DeGeneresFor me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy. That's to me the most important thing, that my hour of television is positive and upbeat and an antidote for all the negative stuff going on in life.
Ellen DeGeneresWhy should I pay strangers to listen to me talk when I can get strangers to pay to listen to me talk?
Ellen DegeneresI gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.
Ellen DeGeneresMy grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneresSometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. But then I remember how insignificant that is, and I thank God that I have a car and my health and gas. That was phrased wrong - normally you wouldn't say, thank God I have gas.
Ellen DeGeneresSometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
Ellen DeGeneresI was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is cleared of all clatter and I'm looking out of my third eye and everything that I'm supposed to be doing. It's amazing what comes up, when you sit in that silence. 'Mama keeps whites bright like the sunlight, Mama's got the magic of Clorox 2.'
Ellen DeGeneresI'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
Ellen DeGeneresStuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
Ellen DeGeneresProcrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.
Ellen DeGeneresThe way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.
Ellen DeGeneresI don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. For one thing, there's morning sickness. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
Ellen DeGeneresThey say you just stand over there, he'll say thank you and you walk back off and that's what I thought was gonna happen, but in my head, I had for five or six years known that he was gonna call me over.
Ellen DeGeneresThe only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.
Ellen DeGeneresWe use 10 percent of our brains. Imagine how much we could accomplish if we used the other 60 percent.
Ellen DeGeneresThings that go on at Happy Times are very funny this year, and if you were watching last year, some of the people you saw then as basically extras emerge as real characters in their own right this season, at least to some degree.
Ellen MuthI also believe our country made a promise to veterans and their families. Veterans have kept their end of the bargain, and now, the VA is looking to pull out the rug.
Ellen TauscherAfter working for 14 years on Wall Street and growing up in a family with strong roots in small business, I know how important the entrepreneurial spirit is to attaining the American dream.
Ellen Tauscher
