Woody Allen

Woody Allen (born Allen Stewart Königsberg, 1935-12-01) is an American film director, writer, musician, actor and comedian.
Found 101 thoughts of Woody Allen

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Woody Allen

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Woody Allen

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Woody Allen

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

Woody Allen

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Woody Allen

The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.

Woody Allen

I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Woody Allen

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from notloving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

Woody Allen

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Woody Allen

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Woody Allen

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Woody Allen

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

Woody Allen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Woody Allen

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

Woody Allen

The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.

Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Woody Allen

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

Woody Allen

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

Woody Allen

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?

Woody Allen

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

Woody Allen

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.

Woody Allen
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