W. C. Fields

W. C. Fields (29 January 1880 - 25 December 1946) was an American Actor and Comedian (born William Claude Drukenfield)
Found 46 thoughts of W. C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

W. C. Fields

Happiness means quiet nerves.

W. C. Fields

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

W. C. Fields

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

W. C. Fields

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

W. C. Fields

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

W. C. Fields

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

W. C. Fields

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

W. C. Fields

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

W. C. Fields

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

W. C. Fields

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

W. C. Fields

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

W. C. Fields

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

W. C. Fields

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

W. C. Fields

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

W. C. Fields

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

W. C. Fields

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

W. C. Fields

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

W. C. Fields

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.

W. C. Fields

I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.

W. C. Fields

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

W. C. Fields

Never give a sucker an even break.

W. C. Fields

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

W. C. Fields

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

W. C. Fields
1 2   Next