W. C. Fields
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FieldsHorse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. FieldsHappiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. FieldsDuring one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FieldsStart every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FieldsI never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FieldsWhen we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FieldsMy illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FieldsA rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FieldsNow don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. FieldsDon't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FieldsAbstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. FieldsSome weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FieldsThere are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. FieldsIf I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. FieldsThere comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FieldsChildren should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. FieldsIf there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
W. C. FieldsOn the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
W. C. FieldsI've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.
W. C. FieldsI never vote for anyone; I always vote against.
W. C. FieldsHell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
W. C. FieldsNever give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FieldsI am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FieldsShow me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
W. C. Fields
