H. L. Mencken
Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
H. L. MenckenLegend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
H. L. MenckenThe cynics are right nine times out of ten.
H. L. MenckenCommunism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies.
H. L. MenckenTheology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing.
H. L. MenckenThe most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.
H. L. MenckenNo matter how long he lives, no man ever becomes as wise as the average woman of forty-eight.
H. L. MenckenAs democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
H. L. MenckenHe marries best who puts it off until it is too late.
H. L. MenckenIn this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
H. L. MenckenNine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed.
H. L. MenckenAnd what is a good citizen? Simply one who never says, does or thinks anything that is unusual. Schools are maintained in order to bring this uniformity up to the highest possible point. A school is a hopper into which children are heaved while they are still young and tender; therein they are pressed into certain standard shapes and covered from head to heels with official rubber-stamps.
H. L. MenckenThe cosmos is a gigantic flywheel making 10,000 revolutions per minute. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it.
H. L. MenckenThe basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.
H. L. MenckenMan is a natural polygamist: he always has one woman leading him by the nose, and another hanging on to his coattails.
H. L. MenckenInjustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice.
H. L. MenckenConscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends
H. L. MenckenCreator: a comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.
H. L. MenckenMen have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing they die earlier.
H. L. MenckenTemptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse.
H. L. MenckenAll government, of course, is against liberty.
H. L. MenckenMost people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon.
H. L. MenckenAdultery is the application of democracy to love.
H. L. MenckenThe first kiss is stolen by the man; the last is begged by the woman.
H. L. MenckenHenry James would have been vastly improved as a novelist by a few whiffs of the Chicago stockyard.
H. L. Mencken
