Groucho Marx
Julius Henry Marx , primarily known as Groucho Marx, was an American comedian and actor, famous for his work in the Marx Brothers comedy team, and on his own.
Found 43 thoughts of Groucho Marx
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication.
Groucho Marx
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
Groucho Marx
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Groucho Marx
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
Groucho Marx
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Groucho Marx
Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo.
Groucho Marx
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Groucho Marx
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.
Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Groucho Marx
I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.
Groucho Marx
