Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce American satirist, critic, short story writer, editor and journalist. He is perhaps most famous for his serialized mock lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary, in which, over the years, he scathed American culture and accepted wisdom by pointing out alternate, more practical definitions for common words.

Found 442 thoughts of Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce

A revolution, in politics, is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. The substitution of the rule of an administration for that of a ministry, whereby the welfare and happiness of the people were advanced a full half-inch.

Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of its economical application to some purposes is still unsettled, but experiment has already proved that it will propel a street car better than a gas jet and give more light than a horse.

Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.

Perfection is an imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.

And abstainer is a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

A nobleman is Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.

Kindness is a brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

The plague today...is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.

An inventor is a person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

In Italian, a belladonna is a beautiful lady; in English, it's a deadly poison.

The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.

A medal is a small metal disk given as a reward for virtues, attainments or services more or less authentic.

Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Justice is a commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the state sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.

Laughter is an interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

Washingtonian, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice, to him it should be said that he did not want to.

INJUSTICE, n. A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.

A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

Friendship is a ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.

Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

Tenacity is a certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics.

Admiration is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.